Twisted Tongues: New Diet Tortures

the most painful way to lose weight

Would you pay a doctor to sew a patch onto your tongue to cause you hideous pain every time you ate solid food?  Apparently, people are willing to do that just to lose weight.

During a reversible procedure that takes less than an hour, you could be fitted with a custom patch for the tongue which makes chewing of solid foods very difficult and painful, limiting you to a liquid diet.

For $2000 (regularly priced $2800) Dr. Chugay can surgically implant a postage stamp piece of mesh on your tongue and guarantee you absolute pain.  Patients are forced to follow a liquid diet and can lose up to 20 pounds in the first month.

Is the tongue patch worth it?

I suppose, for people who have been willing to swallow tape worms, the tongue patch is benign.

Chugay’s technique does nothing to inspire long-term behavioral change nor it does it do much for self-esteem.

But then Dr. Chugay concentrates on making money from the self-esteem challenged. Pick a body part and Dr. Chugay can lift, augment and surgically enhance.

At his Beverly Hills clinic, Dr Nicholas Chugay specialises in people who are dissatisfied with the image in the mirror. If you do not want to look like yourself you can visit Dr. Chugay for a total transformation into a celebrity body double.

Or perhaps you can choose from other services at his one stop shop for body dissatisfaction. How about a new chest implant for the man in your life? Not enough? Dr. Chugay recommends penile augmentation.

Since Dr. Chugay trained in Rio de Janeiro, here is a theme song for him. (with apologies to the Album: Dante’s Inferno)

When my tongue

When my tongue pains me I go to Rio

De Janeiro

My-oh-me-oh

I go wild and then I have to do the Chugay

darn the solid

Now I’m person of superb pain.